why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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