kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
