So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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