In the future we'll all be gay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
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