I got chris browned last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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