I wannas sexs uuuuu
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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