Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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