You can't motorboat a personality
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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