One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
