She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
