Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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