Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
