her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
