Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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