Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
