You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
