her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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