I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
