Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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