can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
