She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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