Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
