He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
