Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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