so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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