I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
