shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i believe in u and ur pee
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
