I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
