i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
