apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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