It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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