i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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