He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize