My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
