Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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