So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
