I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
