What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
