you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
