I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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