OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
