If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
