I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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