you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
