Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
