She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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