don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
