just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
