we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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