i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
