I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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