i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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