so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
