Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize