I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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