I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
