Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
