Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are the jesus of drinking
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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