I heard we made out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
